AUGUST 2008

WHEN SELF AWARENESS HURTS

Dear On-the-Grow Leaders,

Much has been written about how the overuse of strengths turns them into weaknesses.  In my observations, one of the most obvious strengths of successful people that can become an impediment to growth is when self awareness morphs into self criticism.

The advantages of self awareness are many:  being aware keeps us in tune with how we can improve, keeps us humble, and guides us to better decisions about how we will respond the next time.  Self awareness is a valuable tool to help us determine our strengths, our opportunities for growth, our current resources, and our own motivations.

The trouble is that many of us take self-awareness to a level of self criticism that is not only unproductive, but detrimental in our personal development.  If you have heard others say:

• You are too hard on yourself
• You are your worst critic
• You are sabotaging yourself

Your self awareness may have become over used.  As a recovering self critic, here are some questions I ask myself to make sure that I am not taking my self-awareness down the wrong path.

Would I speak to another human being in the same tone?

Sometimes we talk to ourselves in a way that we would never, ever address another individual.  Don’t I deserve the same respect as I give others?

How can I reframe my self-feedback to make it constructive?

When I address myself, I want to think about the things to change, not attack my own character.  Sometimes it helps to write down what I want to say to myself first.

What can I do to give myself some slack? 

Often I need to remind myself that I am “in process” like everyone else and I will never be perfect.  I also need to recognize that I can fail (and I have many times), without being a failure.

What did I learn? 

For me, wallowing in the things I did wrong appeared to be one of my most common activities.  I am learning to ask myself, “What did you learn from that situation?” which takes me to a healthier place, and a better grasp of what I might do differently.

Self awareness is a skill that each of us can continue to hone as we work with others.  This month, join me in keeping our self awareness healthy and proactive.

Be your best, because you deserve the best.