I was reminded during my recent move about how difficult it is to share communication space.  The crew that did the moving was Hispanic and most spoke only broken English.  Meanwhile, I have never been accused of being fluent in any non-English language.  I thought we were communicating quite well until we got to the case of the vacuum cleaner.  I had pulled it aside to do some clean-up after the house was empty.  As George was making the last sweep around to make sure they hadn’t forgotten anything, he noticed the vacuum cleaner.  I looked at him and said, “Just leave it.  I need to use it and will bring it myself.”  He smiled, nodded as if he understood, and then picked it up to put it on the truck.  We sorted out the problem, but I came to realize that I took his smiles and nods as understanding and agreement.  In reality, he didn’t understand what I was saying and was doing what he usually did in such situations.  I eventually got to keep my vacuum, but my frustration at my inability to converse nearly peaked.

My realization is that the same is true for virtually all communication.  We read the signs that occur during our conversations and interpret them according to our context.  When we make a genuine effort to interpret them from the other party’s perspective, we get closer to getting it right.  My conundrum was a typical language culture problem.  Tammy Erickson recently wrote about a similar communication error that occurs across the age gap between generations.

My problem was nothing new, but it points to one of those fundamental human errors.  We judge what we hear by ourselves and not by our communication partners.  Here is a suggestion:  find five tried and true customers that you think you have a good relationship and give them a call.  Ask them, listen, and then thank them for giving you their opinion.  Don’t argue, don’t justify, and don’t be displeased.  You called them; you asked them; learn from them.  The next day, call five customers who you just gained.  Ask them the same thing.  Work hard at understanding your customers, and eventually you will get it right.